It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Rumble strips road head = magical
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
