talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize