How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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