It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
