2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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