More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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