This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
