So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
