there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I need to wash the frat house off of me
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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