I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
