don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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