'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
