Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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