Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
