I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
