Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
