He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
