belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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