we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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