I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
