Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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