You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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