quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
