Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
