If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
