he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
