So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
