you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
