so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
