capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i think i have two assholes
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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