@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
His hands were made for my vagina.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
