This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Welp...herpes.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
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