I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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