I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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