Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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