girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
