Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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