so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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