they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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