so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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