If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
