I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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