Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
