just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
there is glitter all over my balls
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