I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
