New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
