Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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