Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
