it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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