I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
