i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Still dying that you shit outside
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
