i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
