ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Randomize
