Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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