I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
