This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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