I feel great
I just peed on a car
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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