I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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