did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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