just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
