just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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