what day is it and did you see me today?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Please don't give away my fajitas
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
