it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
