so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize