why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
