the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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