I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
