You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
