Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
