I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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