now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
