Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
